This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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