I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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