and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
