why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
