pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pants are for mortals
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
