i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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