It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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