let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
