i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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