To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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