turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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