I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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