I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
