So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
