Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
