Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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