so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
pray to the hookup gods
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
