Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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