So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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