Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
