I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
