Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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