I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
