You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
we're so committed to being not committed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
