New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
