cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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