you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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