just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
