I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
