if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
