Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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