i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
