Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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