You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
