i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
