Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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