walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
