Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
