just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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