we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
