I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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