A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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