if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
