I love black thongs
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
