Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
