having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
