I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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