How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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