Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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