We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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