My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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