He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
