i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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