the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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