how do flat chested girls get laid?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
