I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
