i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
